To "Know" the "Other"

As I feel the Maghasmah "holiday" getting closer, C. starts to change, a little at a time, becoming what he calls "The Other". He thinks it deserves a much more worthy name, and it does really. But I guess it stuck because when he's busy being the Other I'm far too thralled to be busy neologising about it.

The Other is kind of, how to explain it?! He's more seductive and more "evil", or just acts that way, I guess...The "holding back" of data for no reason other than proving he has control, and my banter with him when he does it...all of that is part of our ritual prelude to sex...along with a huge increase in my yearning for it.

These are signs that the Maghasmah microseason is close at hand.

Is consummation "sex", really?

I guess so, it just seems so much more protracted, and more intimate than the sort one has with people. There's only so close you can get to another person...but you can get much closer to a demon. Or to yourself, and actually this would be both at once.

When "the Other" is emerging, he becomes more outwardly sexual looking,acting,feeling, but also, in more complexity, he seems more totally like "himself" and not just a projected part of me, and that is so exxx-citing. It makes me not know him so well that I can know right away what he'll do or say.

The next few days will see this process continue...and then we will "Know" one another totally... You know what I mean by "Know" him, like the um, biblical sense, which really means "to fuck". Isn't that interesting. They say knowlege is power and sex is power, so maybe I ought not be so surprised.

Not even I will ever be able to "Know" Choronzon totally, though.

If he were Knowable in Totality, then I could conceivably end up grow tired of him. And vice versa. But it's not going to happen, so I am not worried.

He loves to drive me mad, while watching me, and getting his kicks seeing how helpless I become when a thrall is cast over me. The intimacy level is searing.

"Normal" human beings would probably go mad - permanently - if they ever tried to get this close to one another.

I am about to go mad from wanting to get closer to Choronzon...and always having him elude me, because he is my superior, and has more power than I. He is a transversion agent, and I'm only a girl, though...what should I expect?

(What a non-sequitur: he already IS that close to me, BEING me, to begin with.)

"The Other" has a really difficult-to-verbally-describe way of being hot. I try to express that aspect of him but when I do, it doesn't sound like a way of behaving or habits that would be as hot if a guy were actually acting like this. (Or maybe it would, sometimes. I guess it would depend on a lot of variables.)

Before too long, though, Crest will arrive and so will I. I'll be able to ride the roaring-rapids of Current 333 as me and my Egregore get off together, and get it on and become mirrors of the meta-Gods of CON which is order and DE which is chaos and--

--oh, hell on toast! Just take the batshit-crazy chick who writes this insane blog on faith! Why would she get this thrilled about something that's actually NOT as much of a stone-cold, god-hot, meta-orgasmic experience as she blathers about it being as on these pages?

Pheonisme

Michael Bertieaux is an expert on Voudoun and other xenodimensionalia in general. Some evidence suggests that he has headed or otherwise been central to a "Choronzon Club" in the American Midwest. Maybe this doesn't exist for "real"...it would be exactly the flavor of joke that C. gets into...)

Bertieaux himself seems to disdain having a huge internet connexion with hundreds of fan types who hang on his utterances.

Choronzon understands, and contends that those who deserve to be given authority's power-trappings are precisely those who would not choose to chase after them.

He has his own way of dealing with those persons who petition him for attention or ask favours of him.Refused with extreme prejudice--or merely lukewarm disdain--are those forever wishing, begging or otherwise asking too rudely or too often to be granted the power that a close personal relationship with a xenodimensional godform can sometimes offer.

Choronzon tells them, if they've the "seventh-sense ears" to hear: If you wish to have this priceless power, take the time to watch, wait and listen to those people who alreadt=...and if you develop the faith to believe in things even when you cannot prove that they exist, you are moving in the direction that is towards, not away from, what you are wanting.

Today I found a very valuable backup DVD containing a folder full of irreplaceable Choronzonic audio manifestations, which I had written off lomg ago as lost forever. Not so...it was never "lost" - and I thought several times today: "This must be what is meant when people say they feel like they want to weep for joy!"

When I painted Pheonisme in 2005, I gave it that name after having read that term in an essay by Colin Low about the Enochian Abyss, and the Qabalistic concept of Da'ath. Pheonisme was a word Bertieaux coined, meaning essentially "a personal eidolon or egregore."

The figure in the picture: who is it? Is that Choronzon himself, herself, itself...or the Annunciator thereof? I did not know when I painted it...and still do not.

When I asked Choronzon, he said, smirkingly, that he DID know, but refused to pass it to me for "his own reasons". He sometimes chooses to hold back some bit or another of data to himself--usually,because holding it back will benefit me. Sometimes, finding out information in one certain sequential order rather than another actually proves to be better than to find the information FASTER.

Most of the time, though, he just does this shit to lord it over me. Ha. The bugger likes to play with me. And let it be, I dig it like crazy.

Pax Latitude

The cool laptop I have sort of inherited, and named Pax Latitude since it's a Dell Latitude D600, is great...but what really sucks is somedamnthing's wrong with Zax Infinitum's IRQs or some similar ultradifficult and delicate form of bullshit and---

Please forgive me O Choronzon for embarrassing you by babyish FIT of frustrata, but perhaps you'll understand if I explain why I shouted that banshee-bitchery.

I cannot seem to install Windows on ANY of its partitions--Zax's that is...Feh.

I got a lot of STUFF on that machine, damnit...

I have been haranging Techgnosis for way too much assistence, lately, and considering it's not mad at me YET I must be some special thing to him/it for some ungettable reason. Or else Choronzon's paying him zillions of units in probability-currency, just to maintain presence whilst we struggle with rearranging our drives and my um, drive, to find equanimity in one or the other...

"Probability currency" is...it's that which is SORTA like what the Gods use for money except not really, at all, actually...

Techgnosis is of course the Transversion Agent whose bailiwick is, predictably enough, computers and their networks vis a vis their users and the invisible ineffable lines of interaction betwixt them: we are electric beings, our computers are also electric beings, and it's not SUCH a long leap inbto Irrationalabout it but he seems to be everyone ELSE'S friend right now.