27 March 2009
To "Know" the "Other"
As I feel the Maghasmah "holiday" getting closer, C. starts to change, a little at a time, becoming what he calls "The Other". He thinks it deserves a much more worthy name, and it does really. But I guess it stuck because when he's busy being the Other I'm far too thralled to be busy neologising about it.
The Other is kind of, how to explain it?! He's more seductive and more "evil", or just acts that way, I guess...The "holding back" of data for no reason other than proving he has control, and my banter with him when he does it...all of that is part of our ritual prelude to sex...along with a huge increase in my yearning for it.
These are signs that the Maghasmah microseason is close at hand.
Is consummation "sex", really?
I guess so, it just seems so much more protracted, and more intimate than the sort one has with people. There's only so close you can get to another person...but you can get much closer to a demon. Or to yourself, and actually this would be both at once.
When "the Other" is emerging, he becomes more outwardly sexual looking,acting,feeling, but also, in more complexity, he seems more totally like "himself" and not just a projected part of me, and that is so exxx-citing. It makes me not know him so well that I can know right away what he'll do or say.
The next few days will see this process continue...and then we will "Know" one another totally... You know what I mean by "Know" him, like the um, biblical sense, which really means "to fuck". Isn't that interesting. They say knowlege is power and sex is power, so maybe I ought not be so surprised.
Not even I will ever be able to "Know" Choronzon totally, though.
If he were Knowable in Totality, then I could conceivably end up grow tired of him. And vice versa. But it's not going to happen, so I am not worried.
He loves to drive me mad, while watching me, and getting his kicks seeing how helpless I become when a thrall is cast over me. The intimacy level is searing.
"Normal" human beings would probably go mad - permanently - if they ever tried to get this close to one another.
I am about to go mad from wanting to get closer to Choronzon...and always having him elude me, because he is my superior, and has more power than I. He is a transversion agent, and I'm only a girl, though...what should I expect?
(What a non-sequitur: he already IS that close to me, BEING me, to begin with.)
"The Other" has a really difficult-to-verbally-describe way of being hot. I try to express that aspect of him but when I do, it doesn't sound like a way of behaving or habits that would be as hot if a guy were actually acting like this. (Or maybe it would, sometimes. I guess it would depend on a lot of variables.)
Before too long, though, Crest will arrive and so will I. I'll be able to ride the roaring-rapids of Current 333 as me and my Egregore get off together, and get it on and become mirrors of the meta-Gods of CON which is order and DE which is chaos and--
--oh, hell on toast! Just take the batshit-crazy chick who writes this insane blog on faith! Why would she get this thrilled about something that's actually NOT as much of a stone-cold, god-hot, meta-orgasmic experience as she blathers about it being as on these pages?