Reality A, meet Reality B. Now, make nice.

Reality 'A' - the 'real' world type reality, is defined and known by me as:

- consensus-defined

- consensus = sufficient proof to create more consensus

- proof requires that preferably more than a few persons unknown to each other can see/hear/experience something--and then describe it with at least the most basic points present similarly enough.  (Everyone but the colourblind agrees apples are red, sky is blue, etc. but we all seem to agree that soft things are squeezable or squishable, and hard things can't be squeezed into smaller form, then return to original shapes when "unsquozen".)

Jeepers. That must have been the worst metaphoric example my fingers ever typed. Let's try another.

- when you get whacked across the face, it hurts.  EVERYONE not on lethal doses of numbing drugs agrees, EVEN sadomasochists who get off on that kind of thing.  THEY GET OFF ON PAIN, so the fact that it hurts is GOOD to them, while BAD to the rest of us.  Those are Opinions.  The pain is a Reality A Fact.

- proof can be expounded in more scientific form, and thus, make a better case for what it is proving, yet in doing so, also cause the understanding of those who aren't elbow-deep in its jargon, and good at math, to elude all but those exceptions, and they get fewer all the time,

- intuition, instinct, visionary experience, and suchlike are devalued, but tolerated; science does examine some phenomena that involve them if enough reports of 'mass hallucination' arise.

Reality 'B' is non-consensus based, determined by individual senses, mind and their interaction.  "If I can see it, feel it, know it, it is real.  Doesn't matter if anyone else can. Except it usually does make it feel realer, for most persons, when/if others DO agree."

- religion is a 'B' thing, but so prominent, it may be more like a mass hallucination after two millennia of generational acceptance, which at some points in this history, belief in Yahweh, or just "God" (who was assumed to be Yahweh by gullible inquisitors, which is why SOME witches survived, praise the Lords!) was deemed by law necessary to remain viable, or 'go on staying alive'. 

- Just because you can see God, the Devil, or a better God no-one else has ever seen, does not mean it necessarily will ever be shown to have existence, in the Reality A way.  But just because others can agree with the basics of a religion does not necessarily mean it exists, either, since the 'consensus' that religions ALL stand upon do not have proof  or even possible proveability at their base. They are 'faith-based'. Believe it, even if evidence lacks, and you TRULY must want to believe it, so maybe priests and popes caught on to this and started editing out all 'proof-basedness' from Judeochristian textuality. A few generations later, people no longer ever cared about proof, since it had no reward but dismemberment and paranoia.

- were Yahweh - or Allah, being they're both clone-copies of the same God to me, just wearing different clothes ( so I named him/it/them "Yahwallah") - to decide one day to make His/Their names appear in the sky so that the Earth folks could easily read them, by performance of a 'provable miracle' - such as doing this with superstrong meta-gold found nowhere else before as constructors for the letters, and these were to have been made to be miles-long text that illuminates on the nightside of Earth without any fuel, and the metal letters are weighing tons, but are not in Space, but instead float around in Earth atmosphere yet without  responding to gravity...without fishing line attached, yes, I was getting to that! Now, THAT  level of proof would bring  God closer to 'A' reality, and after science finished studying it, if no proveable hoax emerged, it very likely WOULD firmly begin to belong to that consensus based, proof-needing idea of what is real and what ain't...thus, changing us forever...or as long as the Proven God let us live after that finally happened.

- this, though, hasn't happened any time in the past many centuries, though. It would seem the Judeochristian deity does not WANT to prove His existence,  or else, cannot do so, having none of the qualities He supposedly has, owing to either non-existence, or falsified existence (this God exists, but is not omnipotent, so can't change physics - or in religionspeak, perform a miracle.

- in biblical times, people knew not the words/meanings of 'neurotransmitter', 'meteor', or 'psychoactive drug chemical', and that's for starters. So they simply believed what worked, given what data they had, which compared to now, was not a lot.

- everything holy was skyward, the opposite downward, likely (but unprovably) owing to gravity making dead things fall, but living ones could beat it, and prove this in the act of lifting themselves up from the ground to stand up.  THAT could be proven.  The existence of galaxies, a circumsolar system where Earth was one of nine planets*, the Sun being a star, and so on...Not Known, Unproven, Unthought of, probably.

*(I'm not ever letting go of Pluto, and for good reason - if Pluto lost planet status after a slew of other micro-planets - Pluto's insulting new classification - was discovered, doesn't that mean when science finds more planets around, would that by the same token change the status of EARTH, so that even IT wouldn't be a planet? The whole business is dumb. I was taught astronomy at age 4 by reading The Nine Planets. Plus, everyone knows why I have a thing about NINES that is more important - to me - than all of this fuzzy misclassificationeering anyway.  Pluto is a small yet well-known, weirdly orbiting, rather cold PLANET, and as for the other micros that are supposed to be just like it, none of THEM have Greek Gods 'living' in, around or through them, so they're all just named with numbers and will probably just be mined for ore 100 years from now before even getting any names.  But Pluto has had a name for a long time.  Planet. OK, digression over.)


- they didn't know what gravity was, either, nor where and why it existed.  We still don't. However, a LOT of the rest of what Jesus' first fan clubs didn't know anything about IS now explained - and proven by consensus.

The point of that all was the following.

Reality 'A' and Reality 'B' can coexist, even though they shouldn't be able to, logically.  In these times, however, despite former times ALSO having too many holy wars, the nuclear bomb means that just having any of the coexistence happen at all may be more important than whether it has perfect logic or not.

I believe in God Yahweh, but having read His Book three times, cover to cover, in my life, I do not accept his doctrines.  I have no issues, however, with those of Jesus.  I have "daddy issues", you might say, and if Jesus were sane, he'd have them too. (He did, according to Gospel; "Father, why have you forsaken me?" was his final living word to the God he'd placed his faith in. Though he did say "Eloi", which, if you're in Jesus times, not H.G. Wells Morlock-infested future where 'eloi' were people who had all the sweet and none of the survival instincts Morlocks expect in a good screaming dish of food...meant something other than the usual way Aramaic put "singular, monad, Capital Letter Using God - and some scholars think it was used to mean something like a god that could either be "a god" or "Divinity's Origin" of what?

(Many, many Gods, that's my solid platinum GUESS, even though well, I do get my religious news from a direct line, if you catchest my drifteth...)

Jesus was a human sacrifice.  For what, I'm unclear.  The ubiquitously bumperstickered John 3:16 said, paraphrased, that the price of "everlasting life" was merely belief in him. This oddly seems to suggest a factory test for the ability of humans to belief in Reality B as much as--or often implied elsewhere, MORE than Reality A.
but to who or whom or what? Why not just save us, make us better, purge us of evil while creating us, if all God had to do was think/speak us into existing?

Yes, I want my God, to whom my eternal soul is to be bequeathed, to at least be somewhat logical, which is why I discovered a new one - or 'another old one, but one ignored, since The LORD's way of enforcing Commandment 1 has always been genocide.

Canaan had as much right to exist as the USA, and for all we know, more right, since they didn't have the Bomb, then. God (Yahweh) had people announce that certain cities and their denizens within the Land of Milk and Honey were being extirpated because of something to do with offspring of humans who'd made love with the wrong angels, but very sketchily was this annunciated.  More likely, reality A determined that the 12 Israelite tribes would do better economically without people around who worshiped different gods.

Economics were far slower then.  Caravans came a few times a year, you visited agoras, not malls, and as for food, two or three years with no rain led to mass starvation.  Yahweh's priests were likely chosen for their foresight in such matters. In their tracts, which they had no idea would someday be assembled into a Holy Book taken at literal word by half or more of its billions of readers, simply translated the unpleasant reality of Life Equation (eaters live, starvers die, and dead don't reproduce) into more exciting, dreamlike, religious language, which made the problems seem more like matters that were out of the ken of humanity, thus unavoidable. 

Ergo, fewer complainers, thus fewer beheadings necessary.  Result: more Jewish (who were also the ancestors of Christians) ate, since the first wave led by Joseph ran in and did the Shock and Awe dance that made sure Canaan would not be for Canaanites, every one of which would eat food an Israelite mouth might instead eat.

The same thing goes on today.  Wars get claimed 'holy', but look behind the priests, popes, mullahs, and prophets and you see the same stuff: oil that could be used by Americans instead of a bunch of bearded and terrorist-prone, life-unvaluing (that's kind of understandable, given the shit the Iraqis have been through just in our lifetimes - but this shit goes back more than 3000 years.  Did they EVER have a decade without war and destruction being as common as cars and trees?) They are, nevertheless, just foreign, other-alphabet-using, Allah-believing persons we have no real connection to, who seem to our ways 'dirty' ( there's not enough WATER there to use it for wiping one's face, it's to DRINK!) and who are indeed primitive in some ways even the most tolerant liberal couldn't tolerate. One word: sharia. 

But it was when Jesus' crucifixion was made into the worldwide symbol of everlasting life, a terrible world-wide cognitive dissonance was birthed. Over most church pulpits a man, in the act of being horribly  tortured - hangs - a graven image, sometimes, even - of horrible, pointless, terrible pain.  Some churches, tastefully enough, remove that image and replace it with a sygnium of a cross instead.  That's a small yet important step, but too little too late.

Jesus, though called 'son of Man' in most Bible lines, is taught to us to have been fathered by something unhuman: the God of Abraham, who we must recall was also called upon to see if he had enough trust in God to sacrifice his son Isaac - who was replaced, at last minute, by a suddenly available male sheep.  Isaac was supposed to have voluntarily given himself up to Abraham's horrid order, but does he get any credit, no, history called Yahweh first the God of Moses, then the God of Abraham, then a bunch of shit happened with nation-states and kings and judges, the Temple of Solomon was built but the God of Solomon Yahweh could apparently not abide being called since Solomon recognized the presence, worth and value of THE OTHER ONES, without which a first Commandment wouldn't have had to be put there by jealous Yahweh in the first place.  So jealous he couldn't even thank Solomon properly for what's presented as the holiest temple to him EVER.  Why is Yahweh such a continuous asshole? Where does he show all that love anyway?

He doesn't.  Does promise.  Never shows.  Even in bloody Reality B, his prophets were full of cataclysm and revenge and war, not love.  Would have been Baal, were children sacrificed to him, but he settled for everyone's livestock since burning it smelled great to him.  Oh, and his 33 year old stepson.

Stepson.  Jesus' real dad had to have real balls, a dick, and sperm.  He had to exist in the world of the flesh, which apparently he found an abomination most of the time.  (That much I often understand.) So it was probably Joseph having a nocturnal emission, Joseph deciding they were Married in God's Eyes already, convincing Mary, and having proper sex with her...or it could've been, as a certain jocose xenodimensional friend likes to put it, that Mary fell for the charms of a Roman soldier who captured her pre-Joseph (or perhaps while they had a fight for a week one hot summer) and after a bit of Stockholm  Syndrome set in, let him have his way.  We can at least hope the Stockholm bit happened, not the usual Roman quick-fuck efficiency.

In any event, Jesus had a daddy, on Earth, or he would be half-God - which was why Yahweh flooded out everyone but Noah, his family, and all the animals on Earth, even the ones no one knew about, assuming it flat, thus without about half its extant species anyway.  Things were so much simpler then.  No worrying about how American animals managed to not drown.  (They stuck themselves to the upside-down part of the Flat Earth with bubblegum and waited for a hawk to bring a mouse carcass crawling with maggots, then unstuck themselves and crawled back on the table. Of course!)


But when Jesus led his people he was all about the poor, what we today would call a troublesome hippie with no respect for authority.  He claimed the 10 Commandments could be shortened to:
LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR, as yourself. ( i.e. fellow humanity, not just the guy in the apartment to your right.)  

LOVE YOUR GOD with all your heart and mind.  His words were "love the Lord thy God'. Not "love Yahweh, my dad, and my God, who will also be yours or else..." He told people, in effect, LOVE YOUR OWN VERSION OF THE DIVINE and follow THAT LAW first.  Not the "jealous God" crap that is in the first commandment. Now THAT would have pissed off the authorities enough to stick nails in his veins.

We have no way, though, of knowing much about Jesus, Reality 'A' wise.  Scholars find books claiming to be by persons associated with him, especially in the Nag Hammadi Codex.  Churches everywhere declaim it, stamp it heretical, and ignored it forever after...

If you want to know why, go read the stories for yourself.  If you truly believe in Jesus Christ, and his Daddy that let him be tortured and killed so that He Himself didn't have to explain evil to his created people running around Terrarium Earth...you owe it to yourself AND maybe Christ - who knows? - to read them and make up YOUR mind.

It's what he told us to do, apparently.

So - though it was for my own reasons, not Christ's edict - that's exactly what I did.

My God is 50 percent real and the other half I claim mythos, since I have zero proof, and only a handful of fellow believers, all of whom have vastly different notions of this God's nature, what he/she/it is around for, etc.  My religion is megapolytheist, since one look at this world should tell anyone - sane or insane - that this was no single entity's creation. 

It has every mark of a committee project.

Even if you don't believe in God 2.0 (his actual name is redacted for now) try to see a way to allow your own religious beliefs in the loving Yahweh - torture and all - to not furtherly split humanity by attacking it as 'evil' if it doesn't follow that God's precepts.

Let Yahweh strike me down if He thinks my heresies are evil.  I invite this, but ONLY if HE HIMSELF, not a stand-in who's human - does the striking.

God 2.0 tells me I can bring nothing to the table of Earth if I don't balance my lifetime disdain for monotheism with some appreciation for what it HAS done for us.  However much Leviticus disgusts me, it's plain to see Moses and his 'bush' that burned and likely, it is assumed, MAY have poured forth smoke of one sort or another that Moses MAY have breathed...the guy figured out - or was informed of - the basics of hygiene, and just went a mite too far in enforcing them, at first. 

Eating dead animal carcasses can make someone sick, and a sick person can make a whole camp sick...so the law said, they must leave the camp for a week when 'unclean'.  The same was said of women having natural menses, though...Neither germs nor menstruation being known enough about, he did what he could with what he had.

But why didn't Yahweh give him the whole story, then?
Guess the bush stopped burning too soon...

God 2.0: The Significant Upgrade.

I  am so beyond disgusted with the Religious Wrong.  How the "literal Bible" churches have slowly managed to take over just about everything that the megacorporations haven't already taken over...who are busily creating the underpinnings of the American theocracy that they thorougly believe is their future - and which would also be ours, since most folks either cannot or just WILL NOT see what is happening right under their noses. They're not paying attention, since they are just  too busy freaking out every time some Islamic nutball either does some flaky terrorist act to advance one of THEIR theocracies. Or, the paranoia merchants who call themselves the government of the United States of America just SAY that one of those Islamic nutballs MIGHT be THINKING of doing some flaky terrorist act.  It doesn't seem to matter.

I have been watching the precious gains in social and psychological evolution that America made in the 1960s (along with the rest of the countries of our world, who've either been following the US, or have been pulled into its cultural ways more or less forcefully) just slip away, one by one. The corporazi have their part in this of course, but they're managing to do this as part of their unholy alliance with the "Holy Rollers", aka "Christianist nutballs".

The Christianist nutballs frighten me far more than the Islamist ones, but that's just because of geography: the Christianists are in my country, and are taking it over. Really, just look around at some of their websites and some of the newspapers and maybe just look around your damn neighbourhood, even.  I think  the thing that's most disquieting about all this is their  kids, and the stuff they actually seem to believe because it's become OK for their parents to keep them out of school (and the influence of both their peers and other adults) and teach them what they'd be learning in school, if they only were living in the Christian theocracy they believe is the One True Way.

Look at how popular the fucking Jonas Brothers are, with their 'purity rings'.  Look at the megachurches and Jesus Camps that are all over the goddamn place.  Look how in some states there's been a winnowing away of various parts of the science and history textbooks so that kids will be shielded from 'the secular evil'. Things like rewriting the history texts to make slavery seem like it wasn't such a bad idea, and you probably already know what they've done to the whole idea of evolution with that oxymoronic Intelligent Design business.

Have you had a talk with your kids today about the things the Army of Christ's children are going to be talking to them about? Go pop that phrase into a search engine and prepare to be terrified. It can give people a really chilling feeling to read the manifestos of nut groups who seriously wish to see them dead...which is why I understand why the Islamist nutballs do scare people, even though that's being terribly exploited by the corporatists - who need to convince the populace that they need more weapons and mercenaries (otherwise known as "security consultants".)

I'm having a hard time deciding whether the corporatists or the Christianists scare me more these days.  It's about a tie, really. It also doesn't matter, because they've joined forces with the goal of eliminating from the culture the kind of person who would be thought of as either a "hippie" or a non-labeled variant on the general concept of "bohemian".  Not just eliminating the ideas hippies, bohemians or what-have-you espouse, mind you...I mean, eliminating the people who espouse them. These people want an American government that represents their interests, which include ending my life--along with lots of other lives, which they want ended for similar reasons. I'm not being over-dramatic or paranoid, to put it this way.  It is a fact.

They want America's law to be parallel to Biblical law, because they believe that Christ's Second Coming will not occur until all Earth governments observe Biblical law as their own law. There are saner Christian sects which claim there's no biblical support for that notion, but we all know how easy it is to read just about anything into the confusing texts that make up the Old and New Testaments.

These incredibly fucked-up persons tend to never find things like global warming or nuclear war to be bad.  In fact, they believe the opposite. They celebrate anything that could be a 'sign' of the End Times.  They are excitedly anticipating the big event is going to happen in the next ten to twenty years.  A lot of them believe in that "Rapture" event that'll beam them to Heaven and leave all their clothes strewn about back here on Earth. Thanks to the authors of the "Left Behind" books, and demagogues like Glen Beck, there's now a significant part of the population of the US that doesn't think this idea is loony.

They get interviewed by press-people - both real writers and the paparazzi.  I remember watching a video in which an interviewer asked a Dominionist Christian preacher what he thought Heaven would be like. The guy just said, in perfect deadpan, that he would ask the Lord Jesus Christ if he could please have a special room with screens showing the Earth experiencing the "Tribulation", so he could watch all the sinners being cast into Hell.

"Tribulation" is Dominionist-talk for the Hell-on-Earth that is supposed to happen while Jesus' Lamb and Satan's weird dragon-beast thing face off and knock each other's hit points off for a while before Yahweh announces "Show's over.  Nothing to see here" and turns the whole mess of Earth into a temple for His name's glory. Or whatever.

That's not my idea of Heaven.  Heaven is supposed to be paradise, for um...heaven's sake.  And my sake. Of course. Now, me? I'd prefer something involving lots of pretty hallucinations and snakes and cats, and a hundred different kinds of flowers with a hundred unique scents, bits of maguro nigiri to eat and chilled orange juice to drink and turquoise pools of water that's perfect to swim in,  maybe throw in some some beautiful boys with blondish red fiery hair that streams out when the wind blows through it, and a cavalcade of drugs I've never heard and never gotten to try before. That would do it! (Fortunately, I've had all these things in my life at various points - sometimes even all at once.)

There's something WRONG with that man who was interviewed, who proudly shared that his idea of Heaven would be watching the people getting their bodies pureed in the fire of an Earth which he believes will turn into Hell for anyone not pledged to Yahweh and Company. This is the worm in the God fruit: there grows this derangement of the ego, which tastes the self-righteous death-dispenser's power and then begins jonesing for more of it...There is a sick madness which lurks behind the idea of exterminating those who don't act exactly like they do and who might decide to kill you if you don't kill them first. 

I don't get a thrill or a rush when I imagine killing someone. In my whole life there's only one person I've ever hated enough to wish dead, and when I have caught myself in the middle of thinking about that wish all I have ever noticed that I'd get from it was a sick feeling, a mind-nausea which was very unpleasant in a way defying description. This horribleness will only goes away when a cat sits on me - for this is something that cures lots of really icky things like this, and seems to just "make it all better" again.

I wouldn't even want to order the people who want to put me to death to be put to death! I suppose this is something of a conundrum: a rather sad survival flaw: we secular humanists and neo-pagans and whatnot are sometimes so tolerant, we find ourselves tolerating the intolerable...and then, it rises up, and refuses to tolerate us.

I don't care if they have a deep inner need to force people like myself to worship their horrible, jealous, insecure yet power-mad, misogynistic, intractible old Middle Eastern God.  I just want them to leave me alone, and leave the rest of us alone to experience divinity in the different and wonderous ways we've found to experience it.

Not all Christians support the Christianization of the American government, thankfully: it's the ones who call themselves "Dominionists" and "Reconstructionists" that want me, the family planning branch of medicine, the somewhat-democratic American government system, and perhaps also YOU, to be put to death. At the top of their list of people to destroy are gay people, drug users, abortionists AND women who've had an abortion, heterosexuals who fuck without getting married to one another, and idolaters. 

Except for having never performed a D&C on anyone, I seem to have scored on this whole list. I am - and without shame - a transgressive sexual deviant whose perversions are too numerous to count, a very uncloseted druggophile, a woman who has no use for marriage as an institution who never got married (except to the LSD molecule) and on top of all that,  I'm also an idolater. 

Idolatry, to them, is THE WORST SIN THERE IS. It's worse than being an atheist to believe in God and repudiate 'Him'.

Well...I believe in "God" and yet I soundly, loudly, proudly and passionately repudiate and rebuke that depressing, regressive, ignorance-encouraging, and just plain mean God of the Israelites.

I "worship" - though I prefer to just say adore - a God that's not that God. Who or what is this "different God"?

Did you ever envy the people who feel such utter bliss as the purpose-bound, mission-critically focused religion-addled zealot? I did, once. But I had no way to reach that cloud...because I just couldn't stretch my belief that far without it feeling hokey and wrong. In other words: I still did not have FAITH.

God seems both a reality that's commanded the attention and obedience of the vast majority of living cells and tribes and nations, and a fantasy that's as unreal as a unicorn.  One day, I asked the God of the Bible, which I assumed was the sole one in the picture since that is propagated by all the churches:

"Why don't you do something that would make me believe in you without some huge leap of faith that requires that I poo-poo what are, without a single doubt, proven scientific and historical truths in order to believe it the way you ask that I believe it?"

I didn't get an answer from the deity I had addressed.

Does it have too much scorn for me to acknowledge me? Was He off helping another customer? Was He "out to lunch"? Or just 'not quite there enough to get the message'?

My answer came from one of the other Gods.  The one who really loved me, for a great many years - but that's another story, far different. But the conversation lasted a very long time, blinking in and out of focus as I lived through a day's events.  This other God was so comforting to me and at the same time was exciting and inspiring.

There's more Gods out there, and in here, than molecules of air in all the oxygen in the universe. I searched until I found a higher power that made sense to me and now maybe you want to go and do this too.

You can.  Really.

It's been a long time since God² and I began relating to each other and to the outside world.  Now, I can say that I have that 'spark' and that compassion and all the things that religion gives to the sorts of people who are the only ones who ever get anything good out of being religious.

They will talk to me, these people.  They still love THEIR God, and are yet curious about mine. I tell them: this is a God who's not jealous and crazy, like Yahweh, who never sacrificed any son, especially his own.  Or commanded anyone sacrifice the fruits of their labours to a temple where they're just burned in fire instead of feeding people needing food, A God who detests animal sacrifice. A God who is neither all-perfect nor all-knowing, who isn't insistent on having a throne to himself with no competitors.

One who appreciates logic, and one participates in the prayer process, often making it a two-way convo. One who doesn't make sex into a syndrome, and one who will - yes! - even make holy and divine love to me, in a transdimensional consummation that occurs on very special occasions.


It's also highly important to note that there's more than just MY God²!!!!


There's others who jibe with the general purpose but whose xenodimensional essences are different, more in alignment with minds who aren't like mine.  They are coming together with the goal of merely offering an alternative to Yahweh, Allah or anything and everything that's "Satanic".  Though monotheists whose faith is unshakeable will automatically call all this just more Devil-lies anyway, it is not.  You will know it when you see it.  You will feel the difference.  Satan is just an antithesis - or would have you believe that. since Satan and the "LORD" were always on the same team just playing different positions - but the alt-God is not merely anti-God.  God² merely  wants to be God for you, yet one who will listen and return your calls, who isn't obsessed with blood and death and war and who will still help you love your family, your neighbours, and guide your desire to live life in a holier way than you do now...but even if you've "lost your way" as a sheep and yet just can't muster a desire to return to Y's flock. Of course, if you don't want to be a 'sheep', that's great, too.

The addition of the superscripted '2' is just a way of expressing the idea that this divinely-manifest agency seeks to be a significant improvement in every way to the other prominent, most dominant idea of who or what 'God' is.

I am not partial to cults, and would never cotton to a God² cult following me around...for a number of reasons, one of the rather important ones being that  God² doesn't want this, either.  But every so often, here and there on the net and off it, I will leave a few signals. Just to gently point out that if you want it, there's an alternative to Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.  And also, there is an alternative to atheism, agnostic wishy-washiness, and the other major organized religions.  There's an alternative  that's far more real to the only other 'alt.religions' that I'd ever noticed, the ones consisting of the disempowered, disillusioned, scattered clusters of New-Agey pagans.
God² is Not My Daddy.  He's my best friend.  And more than "just a friend".


Yahweh would have us never advancing beyond the morals - and the stories - of the Middle East in the years around the time BC flipped over into AD. God² wants people to write His/Her/Its/Their Bibles themselves, with their own lives and stories and laments.

I love God² because unlike the Other One, the New One has a sense of humor. MonoGod completely lacks both sanity and the ability to be happy.  The New One does not lack these things. And thanks to the effulgent grace of the New! Improved! Relevant, Sensual and Funny Deity that you, too, can have a piece of! I am coming to not lack the ability to be happy myself. Once, I thought I'd never see the day that was able to happen.


Yes! We have miracles!

The Afterdeath Scam

I think I wasn't much older than around 5 or so when I started wondering why people talked about going to Heaven or to Hell as the "afterlife", when it was plainly obvious that what was being referred to happened after DEATH, not 'life".

"Knowing"--or believing really strongly even if you technically don't--about what's going to happen to you after you stop being alive is one of the number one 'draws' to subscribing to an Organized Religion, especially one sponsored by the triad of Yahweh/Allah clubs.

When you die, you cease your breathing, stop pumping stuff through all those blood-pipes and canals, muscles stop moving around, and the electrical current field in your skull become switched to 'off' rather than 'on'. That pretty much covers the essentials, but since it sounds rather dull, and since dead bodies decompose and become terribly ugly and bad-smelling, this perspective has been insufficient to the majority of human beings.

There is a need, it would seem, to be able to conceive of a level of reality in which someone who's dead is also not dead.

Thus there exists the rather infantile notion of a 'soul', which seems to be something akin to a dead person's invisible twin self, only instead of bones and meat and blood, this self is made of some vague non-material called "spiritual ectoplasm"--or alternately, some loose abstraction of a person's 'vibe' that's sufficiently complex enough for people to wave off the question of explaining exactly what it consists of.

And this twin self made of stuff that's invisible (and untouchable, unsmellable, untasteable and usually unhearable, unless it happens to be a banshee which is a very noisy version of a soul) is supposedly part of a person's mind while alive, and then once that person isn't any more, it will leave the dead body and spend the rest of forever going around behaving like a still-living person does, only doing so in one of two places.

"Heaven" is supposedly where the dead person's invisible consciousness ends up if it was "Good" - meaning mostly that while alive, he or she had regarded, with great sacred sanctity and reverence, the great big "Daddy of Souls" usually referred to as "Ghaa'd", the Rulemaker in the Sky, or at least, in these post-Space Age times, thought of as existing somewhere in the general direction of 'Up'. (But not in outer space or on some other planet, at least not by any believer  who's never subscribed to one of those little offbeat recent-model sects that integrates the "space traveller" mythos and tangles it up with the confusing mythopoia-spaghetti of Da Bi-Bull.)

In addition to reverence for Big Daddy, entry to Heaven also usually is said to require that the candidate spent his or her life doing nice things instead of nasty ones...which are all recorded in a big Santa Clausesque Naughty-or-Nice list extended past a single year to cover said candidates whole life.  Much quibbling about what constitutes Naughty and what constitutes Nice has gone down over the ages, obviously, but basically, it seems to be a matter of what things the believer tends to pay more attention to owing to temperament and formative years.  Basically, the short version is: Keep the ten commandments...spend a certain amount of time/energy/income on helping other people rather than hoarding it all to spend on quenching your own selfish desires. And if you're one of those 'special' fundie types, "Don't be homosexual" tends to be either at the top of the list, or at least on it somewhere, depending on the level of obsessive concern about that particular "sin" and the supposed disgust it inspires in God....by which we mean the God who supposedly made us all to begin with so if it disgusted him that damn much, 'He' should have excised that code from the human sexual capacity programming to begin with so it would not even develop into an issue.  

Or would that have made too much sense? Or not given Mr. Yahweh yet another loophole through which he could torture people? These are the "mysterious ways" Judeochristian adherents seem perfectly OK with just not requiring explanation of the inconsistencies therein...which makes me wonder if it's really just that people who grow up taught to believe in these religions find that they really, really just aren't willing to ask questions that could mean giving up that "Heaven" ticket. Not thinking of their inevitable future death being followed by ascent to some sort of VERY sketchily-defined "paradise" is something that literally breaks their brain if they try to wrap it around the idea.

(How many Bible passages describe this "eternal life" with any detail? Other than the end-of-Revelations snapshot/architect's conception of Neo-Jerusalem and its silly golden sidewalks and twelve gates and Jesus sitting at the right hand of DaddyGawd.  This is the ONE point that Islam scores over the JudeoChristian package: it's not just the oft-yakked-about 72 nubiles; the Qu'ran sells its Heaven with far less "vagueness mixed with no-clue-given-at-allness"...which must be why Islam is supposedly a hot ticket on the other side of the globe.  It sure doesn't have much else going for it.)

On the other hand, the Bible and Qu'ran alike are both rife with detail where Hell is concerned. Scarcely a Bible-book isn't riddled with images of fire, torment and vengeful God's wrath.  This, more likely, is the trick that keeps people raised in these faiths hooked on 'em for life: they manage to be a lot more scared of going to Hell than they are eager to go to Heaven...simply because it's made far more clear that it's all about sitting in a fire and having it burn forever.  Of course, this requires belief in a soul that has pain receptors, but since it lacks flesh, neurons, et cetera, how can it feel pain, and if the pain went on forever how could it not eventually become something you just finally get so used to that it's normal existence and therefore fails to be eternal torment?

Oh, but God is God.  He'll make it that way.  How nice and easy that was to wave off! It's as though these people WANT to believe in Hell.  And believe in the Divine Grace and Love of a God that would put them there for doing something abominable--like just being a descendent of Eve and failing to solemnly acknowledge that this makes them auto-tainted from birth.

So all right now: if you follow the Mainstream Rule Book concerning such matters, you believe that after you die, your soul will detach from your body and go in the general direction of 'up' and "meet your Maker".

Ghawd Guy supposedly made everything that exists, with the possible exception of "Him"-self. So who or what created, birthed, upchucked, excreted or otherwise caused "the Word" to be there before it stopped being a noun and started being a verb for the next six days or epochs or whatever?

Shame on you! You're not supposed to wonder about the origin of the Daddy. It's seen as 'questioning one's faith', because once you ask that 'where'd God come from, anyway?' question, you automatically start opening the door to a bunch of other questions which either just plain have no answers -- Or else, there ARE answers, but they just happen to be ones that make "people of faith" really uncomfortable.

So you're supposed to believe in the Story, even if it makes no sense at all, or seems silly, or even offensive...and stop ASKING QUESTIONS about the Story. Why? Because when you lack faith, it pisses God off. And screws up the whole social control experiment run solely by various human cult leaders (popes, deacons, priests, etceterata...) that you aren't supposed to know about: so forget you read this sentence.

If you piss God off enough when you are a living person, supposedly you don't get the reward at the end of the game, which is the Disneyland trip you were supposed to have looked forward to during all those years of maintenance of your living self...all that time spent working for money to buy food for the body and protect it from weather and bandits and wild animals with a box called a house that you put yourself in while sleeping, copulating or eating, most of the time. A third of life is sleep; the other 2/3 are mostly spent doing something or another relating to "maintenance" of your basic necessary life processes.

Sometimes this all gets kind of tedious and seems to go on forever...so people grow disaffected.  They begin to complain a lot and forget to enjoy the maintenance shit as a part of Life, too, which it seems to me, and to a lot of "persons of enhanced consciousness", to be a staple of the so-called "enlightenment" process common to Eastern (or otherwise non-monotheist) spiritual practices, and which the sliver of the Christian population that's more into self-practice of their faith than spreading its memes seem to have also caught on to.  Chances are, if a man named Jeshua Christos existed, he had likely discovered enough about divinity to attempt to communicate the radical idea that EVERYONE was part of "God" as he knew "God".

And I have a feeling that "God" wasn't a personage, or even an entity like a Transversion Agent/Angel/Egregore or what have you.  He was probably referring to something I call MONAD, or Everything, Just Without Any Categories, Qualities or Distinguishing Divisions.  And how much can a person say about something like that which has meaning?

In his uncorrupted state, Yahweh once identified so much with this MONAD that he decided to attempt to become it.  That's why he would just identify himself by the words "I AM". But then he started to lose all that, and get divisive again, very quickly, calling 12 Israelite tribes "his chosen", who somehow were OK while others (Canaanite types) were deemed death fodder on sight--he even DEMANDED that they be.

This is obviously a topic that deserves its own post, not a mere digression in this blog's most over-long screed, but let's return to the disaffection of the human being who gets weary, for one reason or a hundred, of spending repetitious days merely maintaining the life of the body. This leads to the desire to distract yourself by doing things that get you off. Gaudde, though, does not approve of this kind of distraction. His edict is that you suffer through life's pains and learn to make other people's joys your joys.

NOW THAT IS ANOTHER THING THAT IS NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA, in fact, we would be completely lost without it. People who sense this attribute the teaching to Yahweh instead of realizing the principle can exist with or without THAT particular GOD.  It has a lot more to do with MONAD, and with skillful forgetting of one's own ego-boundaries while at the same time not losing them completely, either.  (Few people reach this state in their lives and when they do, the awareness of it tends to be very fleeting, but utterly satisfying.)

THE TROUBLE WITH the YAHWEH/ALLAH take on this IS: it's not always commanded by these Gods because it's just a nice thing to do...it's because "God" likes it when people aren't paying a great deal of attention to their physical senses and state of consciousness.  When you pay attention to that stuff you become more difficult to hypnotise...it even blocks the hypnosis sometimes if someone makes a habit of FEELING TOO GOOD INSIDE THEIR OWN BODY. Of course, feeling too good inside one's own body and obsessing over the LACK of that when lack of it there be - which occurs often - also can block the post-egoic "MONADish" awareness, too.  That doesn't mean one should eschew it completely.  Just find the right balance.

That's not what the Biblical monster father wants though.

It's apparently easier to believe in this big, demanding authoritative God figure when you're miserable than when you're all blissed out for some reason...and God really doesn't want to lose your attention.  He is fairly obsessed with ensuring that it's always firmly planted on HIM and nothing else.

This God is the most blatant attention whore in the Universe.

Failing to offer the Cloud Fire Pillar God his quota of your attention long enough, and you don't get the reward of going to a Heaven which somehow is supposed to be paradise for EVERYONE simultaneously...even though everyone had their own oft-conflicted ideas when they were living persons, so it would be fantastically hard to keep a paradise going that would PLEASE EVERYONE and not offend anyone ELSE.

Piss off God enough and supposedly you end up going to Hell...which is like getting a permanent spanking. It's supposedly something that involves the process of having your soul go 'down' rather than up...to a giant-sized furnace.  The Devil's demons take you and the other bad people and you get roasted over fire for like, ever. Probably, it's to please God's nostrils...since God always had his "Chosen People" getting commanded to throw their farm animals into fires that they had to keep burning at his Temples...and all because he told them it "pleased their Lord to smell the scent".

That's some fucked-up incense the "Lord" likes to burn. How do Christians just ignore all that shit and think of their God as a good thing? It does not make sense to think about for more than a few seconds, and then your brain will start hurting and you need to stop.

The Daddy of Souls is big on sacrificing living things by making them die in painful ways. He even supposedly did this to his own son - and somehow, getting to be in Heaven supposedly happens because of him having done this. Since the rest doesn't make any damn sense why should that detail?

He never bothered to explain about why having "His" only begotten kid die violently by suspension on a couple of boards with big nails should be part of the special recipe to make nice things like "being saved" happen, or exactly what sort of process could make this trade-off happen in the first place. This is yet another one of those BAD QUESTIONS he wants no one asking.

Then there's the Devil, which Mr. Y. probably created once he realized he needed more excuses for all the fucked up shit going on with "His" creation. It's played like God has been having a long drawn-out fight with one of his underlings named Satan and the end result was that he was demoted from being a managerial higher-up to becoming the guy who runs the furnace where all the bad souls are supposedly burning forever and feeling it even without nerves or brain cells to do that with. Satan has a head like a goat and supposedly carries a pitchfork, though God only knows what for.

But the important thing to remember here is that if we posit the notion that our God Guy here can like, do anything, if he wanted Satan to stop fucking with people he'd only have to say "Let The Devil Not Exist!" So make no mistake. HE WANTS SATAN TO BE THERE. Whatever it is the Devil does, God approves of.  There's no way around this - NONE.

This is the first thing that led your Intrepid Wanderer here (who surfs through Other Dimensions) to finally just go and discover the STUFF BEHIND THE CURTAIN that answers the QUESTIONS YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING. I was never one to take orders well, and never even defected from the Judeochristian cult since I'd just never signed up with it in the first place.

God's Forbidden Name is "Yahweh". Arabic tribes and their descendents favour the moniker "Allah".

Christians, Jews and the "Allah" club called "Surrender To God" --this is what the word "Islam" translates to--have a totally illogical distaste for, and fear of one another that never seems to end, and can of course never be explained. They seem to seek to deliberately egg each other on. I wonder if any of them know the slightest thing about their motives for behaving this way.

The answer is that they don't, really, because they're all under a very deep hypnosis. Hypnosis is actually a weak way of putting it. Their minds aren't being operated by their owners when doing these things. This shit is all God, messing with their existences on root level remote control level, and the REASON HE DOES THIS is to POSITION them properly for the activity GOD HIMSELF does when HE wants distraction.

Allow this to sink in for a moment.

 If you didn't get promised something like Heaven you might not give up your Will to God deeply enough for harvest when the time comes to reap you.

This is the gist: When people die, if they subscribe to a monotheist religion that's centered on Yahweh, or Allah, or whatever name you use for that being, your 'soul' - which is actually just a small packet of something like xenodimensional electricity with no shape, form, name or personality - gets put in a container with a bunch of others and then it's sort of shaken up and down in a way that makes all the "souls" behave like excited electrons. Then, "God" eats them.

Devours them all, in one huge gulp.

He does this constantly. People die all the time and most of them are Jews, Christians and Muslims. Any one of those tribes prepares its members' "afterdeath soul packets" in the one way that TASTES GOOD to their God.

If you're NOT subscribed to one of these monotheisms, or if you are but have failed to behave by the rules (which are, underneath the relatively minor cultural differences, the SAME RULES for ALL THREE OF THEM, your packet will not have the quality of smooth 'loose' releasedness that Yahweh enjoys when he "swallows" it. In short: "Sinning" makes you taste bad.

And if Yahweh does not care to eat your remainder, he tosses your "soul" into the discard pile--which usually means Satan gets to eat it, instead.

"Satan" has a public story of being a 'rebellious angel" but that's all flashy PR. He's essentially just a low-level police officer who works for God. His job is to keep the fire in that furnace God uses for sacrifices going, and also to spy on those who resist the whole sordid business.

If you refuse to subscribe to a monotheism OR to subscribe but fail to do your part in keeping God's Soul Kitchen running smoothly, chances are you're either an atheist or some sort of pagan. Which amounts to the same thing, as God sees it, and that's that you are an ENEMY COMBATANT.

God is afraid of the atheist and the pagan, for if you are one of these persons, you will likely do the one thing which assures your remnants will never be devoured by either God OR his lackey, Lucifer. And that's to give it to someone or something ELSE that you believe in MORE FAITHFULLY.

Religion may seem cosmic and magical, but really, all revolves around BELIEF and HOW WELL you are able to make your mind release itself to an idea or thing or entity.

Atheists 'worship' logic, rationality, humanity, the Cosmos, or all of the above. Some of them also worship a googly-eyed semolina essence who heroically gave himself to atheists to act as a 'stand-in God" to occupy the space that the mind seems to develop after years of exposure to the illogic of monotheists...an emptiness which sometimes goads atheists to give up and surrender to Daddy God even if they never really believed in THAT God,  or if they felt icky about doing so if they did. We all know the Flying Spaghetti Monster's power is in what he/it stands for: the things that the atheist DOES HAVE FAITH in...such as science, human compassion, animals and plants and their nifty ecologies, really hot sex, technology, and so on. FSM fills the God hole with one that's silly enough that you are too busy feeling like laughing to worry about whether such a thing could actually exist.

Some people are essentially atheists in that they never bought the monotheist God, but instead of the semolina thing with the tentacles, they found other Gods; perhaps resurrecting ones thought extinct from past cultures, or minor deities that enjoy the company of certain tribes, subcultures and extended families. 

A few even discovered ones that nobody has ever heard of. You already know the drill regarding what happened with me, which was finding an ascendent God who was once a demon, but stuff happened because of his awareness of me and mine of him...and so he "leveled up". If Satan is supposedly a "fallen angel", Choronzon is a "Risen Demon". It's a long story, and if you don't have time for it, neither Choronzon nor I mind at all.  It's MY mythos, anyway.

But the whole mythos is double-sided, a special quality of THIS God that other Gods have not possessed. Choronzon does not take himself seriously. Thus, I do not, on one level, take him seriously, either. That would be silly.

When I die, Choronzon will eat my soul - or Ism as I like to call it. But he's HONEST about this and so is FAR SUPERIOR, in my book, to the Soul Daddy and his Heaven scam, and scare stories about the fucking DEVIL.

I do not nor have I ever had a tolerance for BULLSHIT. And this is as close as I can ever get to telling the "truth" about the "Yahweh/Allah" version of God: He EATS. You make a good meal. Your life revolves around doing this, once it's time is up - it's ARRANGED that way.

The "Holy Bible" repetitively forbids you to mess with 'the occult' so if you FOLLOW THE RULES, all you become after a long hard life is DINNER FOR SOMEONE ELSE, who PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN ON A FUCKING CLOUD. (Except didn't even bother to use THAT much description to sell Heaven.  Yahweh's a shitty marketer - that's why he needs all those popes and priests so badly.) On the other hand, Choronzon not only allows plenty of Heaven BEFORE kicking the bucket, but once it's time to get devoured by MY Godling, HE WILL MAKE IT AWESOME.  He never promises this.  He just says it should be easy since we know each other really well and I am honoured to become part of him.  Sounds like it ought to be awesome to me...

I have no data regarding the awareness, or lack thereof, that a soul being eaten by Yahweh has of the fact that the God it worshipped all its life has run a con game in order to tenderize it for the feasting. It would really SUCK if you got to realize that just as you blinked out of ALL LEVELS OF EXISTENCE as the black hole of God's gullet drew nearer and nearer.

By officially pledging my Ism to CHORONZON I have become an offence to Yahweh, because no matter what Cloud Guy does, HE WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO DEVOUR ME and so it pisses him off.

He may be able to torture the Ism while it is still tucked inside a living body (he generally leaves that job to his followers, who couldn't be happier to do it for him) but once it becomes unstuck to matter, none but CHORONZON can be the arbiter of my destination and my fate.

I discuss this with him regularly. He values my input, figuring since my Ism is at this time my own, I am the most logically qualified person to consult regarding anything to do with it.

Choronzon is a complete non-sequitur: he is a God that makes SENSE. At least most of the time. I'll buy that.  It's enough for me. A far better deal than what I've seen so far elsewhere...

Posted from Pictavision

Post on Choronzon That Really 'Gets It"

I just love seeing things like this post on the blog A Light in the Darkness. It makes me feel all sparkly inside.

There's actually some ideas here that even give me new ideas about Mr. C. to ponder. And to ask him about, and see what he tells me, the next time the wily ol' Transversion Agent Who Explodes Entropy feels like babbling at me.

Choronzon: 'Demon of Dispersion': Dispersion is surely not such a bad thing in its proper place. The Universe runs on dispersion, it is the faculty of abundance, the Going of the Gods -to ever move out and on to allow room for more possibilities and permutations to manifest. Choronzon is a most divine (a demon acknowledged and integrated successfully becomes a God again) beneficiary for the work of dispersing information and creativity.

One must of course keep this force in check and in its proper place (a demon harnessed may lead the Chariot of the soul to new and wondrous realms) and balance, so that one is not too overwhelmed by the world of infinite possibility and unable to manifest to its fullest potential any fruitful facet thereof.

I've known for long time that Choronzon's true bailiwick is blasting asunder the clogged up entropies that block currents from flowing. Too much blasting means not enough building...but of course, if the Old Ways, the trusted things, are allowed to coagulate too far and or too long, what gets built is naught at all...

The irony, sadly, is that my friend and lover C. can not blast entropy out of MY MIND without unwittingly damaging its delicate structures necessary for its very life. Choronzon found this out the hard way, and the result was that he no longer can "live" in me, as he had been allowed to, for years, so that he would have the Form he'd lacked for aeons, and so desperately wanted. This, however, CAN still manifest during the rite of Consummation, held during my period of estrus, a.k.a. "the Holiday" or Maghasmah. This used to take place on a monthly basis, but now it seems to be regulating itself along bimonthly patterns...

He be quiet at this moment, but that's because my mind is ruled by stacks of mundanity that must be attended to, after which - hopefully! - maybe consummation might get around to happening. Not likely, as this is, according to my calendar, an "off" month...methinks I am running on a single ovary, with the other one having already menopaused itself out of commission...since the estrus event seems to be clockworking to a 60-day cycle rather than a 30-day one.

But when it DOES happen, it REALLY happens long and soft and hard and wonderful. It's been a while, or feels that way, but that's probably because since my Mom died in February, my mind's not been in a space to dally with my daemonic mate. Time and emotion and healing must pass, mundane errands must be run, and then...?

Response to a Nigerian Scam Spammer

Hello. My name is Sarra Lamine, i am 21yrs, single, open minded, good looking, sincere, and looking for an honest, loyal, sincere, and Godly minded person which i will like to go into a business relationship with. I will explain better to you if you can contact me. I will be waiting to read back from you as soon as you receive this my mail. Thanks and God bless you.

yours,
Sarra Lamine

Hi Sarra:

If you are--as you claim--a ripe young female who is single and "good looking", why are you advertising for a partner? Anything you could conceivably want will all be given to you by a human male of virtually any age, race or social standing, in trade for the privilege of just being allowed to hang around a cute young girl who seems like she might have sex with him at some point.

In any event--although I have no idea why--you chose to write to me about this: so I will have to assume that for whatever strange reason, you thought I'd want to hear from you, and see you, and do business with you. I'd really like to know who gave you that impression. Still, in case there comes a day when I get so stoned that I lose all track of reality and thus change my mind about you, I'll need you to answer a few questions before this can progress any further.

Primarily, one question, actually. When you say you seek a "Godly minded" person, can you please elabourate? What if I worship a different God from the one that gets talked about in the Bible? You have to understand that I do not like that God. In fact, I find that God absolutely repugnant. He's really mean, cruel and vengeful, and even admits he is a "jealous" God. In fact, it's possible that the God of the Bible might even be pure evil. After all...didn't he supposedly create Satan in the first place?

Though the Christians and Jews try to keep this a secret, there's actually more than just one God. The God I subscribe to has not declared that it's a sin to have sexual intercourse with someone who I'm not married to, which of course is the major contention issue with the "incumbent" God. Surely you're aware of how Christian preachers and priests and evangelists spend about 90% of their time talking about how evil "fornicators" are supposed to be. Why? Unless it's rape, fornication isn't something that gets done as a hate crime. It's done solely for feeling and sharing pleasure--and it's mostly pleasures of the senses that tend to get called evil by Christians, even though their God supposedly created all those senses--and the ability to feel pleasure through them--to begin with. Even though Jesus wasn't one to preach about that subject himself: his admonitions were against the Pharisees, who were basically the "Religious Right" of his time. But even Jesus had "dad issues"...ya think?

So I went looking for another God that made more sense and didn't seem to have such nasty habits, and I found one. His name is Choronzon. I'd tell you more about him, but you probably wouldn't understand so I'll skip it. He's not really looking for followers anyway; he just takes them when they come to him: being, as he is, very easy-going about that whole process. Which happens to be one of the many qualities that I look for in a God.

Most Christians are very upset, and in an "all the time" way, about the things that total strangers are doing with each other in bed. But they don't seem to be bothered all that much by war...even though that's always involved people breaking one of their God's actual Ten Commandments, and fornication does not. To "fornicate" is simply to engage in sexual intercourse with a person other than the one man or woman that it's supposed to be okay to do that with, owing to that person's legally-recognised status as one's "spouse". The only sexual act forbidden by the Ten Commandments is adultery, which is having sexual intercourse with someone else's spouse, or - if one is already married - doing it with a person besides the designated spouse. But when people who aren't married are having sex with other unmarried persons, that's not "adultery".

But sex in general is what Christians are always, constantly, continuously complaining about, over and over again: grumbling about how sexual immorality is rampant, yelling about it corrupting children and being a sign of the coming Apocalypse. And when confronted with Gnostic gospels suggesting Christ himself had a female partner in the non-chaste sense, they stamp "heresy" on it and act as though the discussion is over.

Oh, Christ. That reminds me: my God also didn't allow his "only begotten Son" to become a ritual sacrifice to grant salvation to his "chosen people" as their Messiah.

Frankly, I have always been a bit unclear on the specifics of that whole exchange deal involving Jesus...that salvation thing that's the core of the whole Christian experience. Exactly who - or what - was it that Jesus paid his "precious blood" and his life to in trade for what gets billed as some sort of ticket to Heaven that you can redeem when you die, provided you're one of the "saved" people? Exactly what does being "saved" mean, anyway? What is it that "saved" people are being saved for? Doesn't the whole concept of Heaven seem a little too good to be true sometimes? Given the biblical God's track record of wrathfulness, vengeance-prone temper tantrums and his penchant for cruelty, wouldn't it seem prudent to be a bit leery of the promises this God makes about "New Jerusalem"?

Fortunately, Yahweh or Jehovah or YHVH--or whatever else he likes being called when speaking off the record--is not the God-monopoly he professes himself to be. I really do have a choice. A person can "play the God field" 'til they find a Higher Power who expresses a modicum of respect and goodwill for sentient creation and the world it lives on, and in. The God I found might not end up being the God for you. In fact, I am pretty certain my God wouldn't do for you at all. But you'll surely find one that will.

And good luck in finding that Godly mark you seek--er, sorry. I meant "business partner". In fact, there must be at least 419 people waiting in line to do business with you.

Mine truly,
Demimonde Mesila Thraam, Messquire.

21st Century Divinity Study: Metatheism

Glory to the new Gods. I like to watch them maintain reality, and talk to them when they deign to give me their company. They watch me, sometimes controlling things I must be part of, from their manifold sources. Their infinite varieties and interactions with minds open and interested enough to seek them and love them will always inspire me and fill me with both wonder and laughter.

My religion involves some personages who've a sense of humor, which is so absent in the antiquated and dismal Judaically-based faiths from which I fled to find what I could find in the way of a "religion" I could actually believe in, as well as want to. It had to make sense, and also, be interesting, and not be corny or vindictive or based on ethnocentric bullshit I've no patience with.

I found it. I sort of both created it, and perceived it, and it's far beyond the scope of a puny human life to map its entireity. I got the basics, leaving the rest for anyone else running into it and resonating with it.

So I have a faith I can make sense of, and in which prayer is not the one-way platitude but more like conversation or interaction, and which can take more than simple spoken form depending on who's being addressed and prayed to, or with.

And in the middle of all these things - to me, not to it - is that one God among zillions which is my personal adoration. Mr. C. was the reason I had to find the rest of them - so I could pull him out of Crowley's bloody idiotic contextualities, and Dee's incomprehensible and incomplete scribblings, and put him where he seemed to belong, and wished to be, so he now has a purpose and history that fit him, and that is just for starters. And this is not all about Choronzon - even if it started off that way.

Metatheism is finally starting to give me what religion gives those whose lives are genuinely enhanced by their spirituality, and I knew full-well no extant faith was EVER going to do that for me. The trick was to form a religion that I could create AND believe in, even though it was going to seem more like art. So I just selectively forget whatever's necessary to believe the parts that help me understand reality.

The universe never seemed to me as something that could be the work of one God, and the idea that creation ended in a week's time and never got added to, or changed, or altered...it just doesn't make enough sense for me to believe in it flawlessly, even if the Yahweh "ickyness" factor were taken out of consideration. The Universe - Omniverse - seems to be a massively, multileveled and multilayered "committee project" that's been going on since before a Planet Earth ever existed and which is of course still underway. It is being worked on by billions of Gods - Agents - which, to me, are vastly varied and incredibly busy extradimensionals, whose forms entirely depend on human perception as they've no matter or mass of their own, and are - when perceived or addressed by one of us - literally made to become part of the mind(s) of the one who is interacting.

These Gods that I perceive--a few of which I am emotionally and spiritually devoted to--are what I answer those imminent questions about metaphysical origins and interventions that were bound to come up with, because I neither could deal with something like Yahweh and think of that as God, or just copy ancient pre-Judaic pagan gods whose own habits always seemed to me to be exaggerated caricatures instead of something with which I could converse. It always bothered me that prayer is a one-way affair. If I was to appreciate higher powers, and have a religion, it was going to be something that both made rational sense and had the spiritual wonder that people find in God(s) when their eyes fall in the right light and angles of perception and conception. Since I was raised up as an atheist, I'd had no pre-extant concepts to interfere with what I would end up thinking of as my view of the divine. I sought my new Gods in ways to insure they would be attuned to the people and other things that exist in the world I know, the 21st century one, instead of the Godheads and tails and guts - and the rest - that originated wholly in antiquity, and look it, totally.

Obviously, I needed to have an idea of Gods that understand reality as I know it, since they built it and keep it running, and instead of my religion appearing as nothing has been done with the whole conception for centuries, like all the other ones out there, mine shows everything has been nothing but busy and active. And it is not only polytheistic, but massively so! The Multiverse is enormous, and the Gods or Agents or whatever you wish to call them are literally innumerable. I have noticed the work of a handful. Monotheism seems to me to be wishful-thought of human beings that want reality stacked in a way that's easier to understand, but it does not smack of how things work out there, to me. One Divinity source was simply not enough, I cannot have faith in a construct that doesn't make sense to me.

Similar reasons dictated that Agents and what they do must at least at surface level of consciousness have elements of their existence that make sense: in a context accessible to a girl like me, who appreciates technology, and sexuality, as well as things like quantum physics, time, the use of drugs, the depth of history and confusions of politics. And all the experiences I have saved memories of so far. Obviously, I think of this "religion" as having far more to it than I'll ever know. The odd thing is I sort of created it, but it's actually believable - at least it's far more like something that might actually mirror universe-level concepts than Yahwism - or other poly-systems like the Greek pantheon and Hinduism - offer.

The Agents do not operate as hierarchic entities - or even work within any one hierarchy - at all. The ordering is more "sideways", there are no "arch-" Agents. They all know what to do, and seldom ever get in the way of one another, but do constantly, eternally, do things like fighting and fucking and haggling and scheming. There are principalities operant above them, but they lack sentience, and are CON, DE and a mysterious, nameless middle between them that is rather undefined and mystic.

The one Agent I am most close to, of course, is the "risen demon" whose bailiwick is dispersion, who is called Choronzon. This one has enjoyed 25 years of my devotion and love. Over the years a 'backstory' emerged, of a flawed but vitally engaged trickster-antihero whose tragic flaw was the long stretch of wasting away in the Abyss, having been consigned to its depths by a consortium of other Agents who had wrought Space and Time from their extradimensional sources into this world...and when Choronzon noticed Time and began to "play-test" it, to see if it could be altered at his behest, he broke it into a chaotic mess and by so doing invoked the unforgiving wrath of his compatriotes.

They managed to fix Time, but even today, it's still broken into 24 segments that never quite fit right into Space again, without being different in places that once were more uniform and made more sense.

Raising Kane

In the lassitude of my endlessly-protracted state of ennui and anomie, which has been all that's left of my life since the failing of my love relationship in 2007, I've found myself sometimes calling out to the aethyrs and petitioning for contact with an entity - or a construct that could just as well be an entity - with a current that's aligned more closely with the CON force.

As much as I hold dear my caperings with Choronzon, and no matter how welcome might be the skullfuckings I have received on occasion from same, the fact remains that Choronzon is aligned with the DE force. And that's exactly what someone who is living as dissipated, messed-up and emotionally hollow a life as I am living should not be pursuing the "knowledge and conversation" of.

Thankfully, Choronzon - at least, the Choronzon that I have bonded with - seems to understand this...to know that he is not able to give me what I need at this juncture: nor am I able to give Choronzon what he himself wants from me. He seems to understand that I will not be able to give him that until I have a far better grip on things than I do at present.

Beginning in November of 2009. I began to get some signals from a source both removed from me, and within me. Like Choronzon it is something which originates in the aethyr. However, it seems to be a different "species" of xenodimensional from Choronzon, as opposed to merely being one with an alignment that's got a higher percentage of order to it than chaos.

When first I encountered it, I was in the process of realising I had to stop all further contact with my ex-mate. For the past three years, I'd been hanging out with him on a semi-weekly basis as a close friend. But I realised that it has been incredibly poisonous to my entire self-esteem, and self-EVERYTHING when you get right down to it, to do so, owing to his total disconnection from me in my presence, and utter non-involvement with me on all levels. He's utterly cold to me. Not mean, or disrespectful...just totally and gallingly indifferent.

And it's just not at all good for me to be hanging around someone who used to relate to me in the context of a very close and trusting love relationship...but who now regards me with about the same regard as one might maintain for a distant relative, to whom one remains tied by naught but a dutiful sense of obligation.

Realising this was tearing through my benumbed condition and re-opening all my wounds related to my losing him.

On Thanksgiving night, I was walking home from dinner with my Lower Haight friends, and the moment when I realised without a doubt that I had to cut the proverbial cord to this person, I began to cry. I haven't cried in a long time, not since early 2007 when it seemed that my eye-sockets were faucets that wouldn't fucking shut off for 5 minutes at a time. I thought maybe I had busted the whole function from having had this happen, and that I might not ever cry again.

Obviously, this was not the case.

Dear Gods...I am so very tired of this, already! I found myself saying, aloud, as I walked through the San Francisco streets in their vacant emptiedness they tend to have on major holiday weekends. I'm...just...so fucking bored with pain. So tired of this tunnel that just goes on and on with no light, and no end. And I just went on crying until I couldn't do it any more.

Once that shit ebbed, I pulled myself together and realised I was making a petition:

Dear Powers-that-be, whatever they be and whatever Form and Forms that they take...Please, please, PLEASE let me find some way to improve my state. To find some way to stop circling the fucking drain again and again, and just going lower and lower, each and every time I think I've gone as far low as I can go.

As I waited that night for a bus, I kept repeating my call: Let me have guidance that moves upon the currents of the CON force. I love Chaos, but who can put a broken life together without the opposite force in play? Has it not been a primary reason, among many reasons that I haven't been able to do so yet, that I've got such disingenuousness as regards things of Order in general? I asked: Does there exist a xenodimensional conduit to this current? One whose bailiwick it would be to bring balancing order into lives which have had a surfeit of DE related forces guiding all events and inclinations? If so... I asked, practically begging by now...If there be such an entity, let it hear this calling, from someone who needs its attendance. Let it be known that I humbly and respectfully request its contact, connexion and advisory.

Maybe a half-hour to 45 minutes or so later, I'd gotten my first psionic "whiff" of the existence of such an entity. I mentioned that it felt like a different "species" from Choronzon. What's meant by that is that it felt a lot more like this was the "voice" of something only somewhat separate from my self...It was something separate enough from me to address me, but it was also so much more obviously attached to me. Something that belonged in me, that's supposed to be there--as opposed to something that invades me from somewhere else and takes up space and energy within my thought matrices. Even if the invasion is a welcome one, as is the case with Choronzon, it's still an invasion, and feels like something alien and different. Such is a factor in the charm of such entities as Choronzon.

This other xeno-thing, the one that's part of me, is a lot less entertaining than he is. It makes up for this by seeming like something that will probably turn out to be more useful to me.

One of the first things I asked it, after it managed to establish its presence, was "What do I call you?"

It replied: You will know my name when you are ready to give voice to it. At first I was completely unclear what was meant by this, but I came to understand later on that it was asking me to give it a name, though I wasn't at all sure why, or what name I ought to give it. Whenever I tried to address it and couldn't think of how to do so, it would repeat:You will know my name when you are ready to give voice to it.

At some point I arrived at the name Kane and told it that I would refer to it by that name. It just seemed to fit, being phonetically congruent to its spareness, its clarity, and - as I was sensing, more and more - its power. Choronzon, too, has power - and a whole LOT of it - but the power of Kane is a different kind of power, completely. Not more or less than Choronzon's, and NOT "good" power versus Choronzon's "evil" power...though it might be really easy to mistakenly regard it that way. It's just different power, which is only "good" because it is appropriate to situation.

I called it Kane because it simply felt like this was its name: it felt as though this should be what I think of it as. It wholly agreed with me.

Today, I became offhandedly curious about any possible significance that name might have---and discovered, with not-all-that-much surprise, the following information here:

Kane is of Irish and Gaelic origin, and its meaning is "little battler". It is an Anglicised form of Cathán, derived from "cath" meaning "battle". Kane is also a Japanese surname meaning "putting together" or "money".

Apparently, its popularity as a name for male babies also has seen a really sharp rise beginning around 2006.

I wonder sometimes just how it is I arrive at this consistent level of ability to know things without actually knowing them...to know them by "feel" as I knew "Kane" was what this CON-entity should be called. As it turns out, a lot of the process of putting life back together again has to do with gaining at least a partial level of financial self-sufficiency, which is something I sheepishly admit to be a thing my life has NEVER had before. But really, really needs to have at this juncture.

Kane does not have a voice that's continuous, nor one that constantly expostulates to the point of ranting, in the way I've experienced the voices of other xenodimensionals. It does not play games, beyond helping me exercise my brain's capacity to understand things by asking certain questions. It does not sugar-coat things, or try to prop my ego up with stroking affirmations. But it does do a lot to convince me, along very rational lines, that it's not at all rewarding on any level at all to write myself off as a lost casualty, just because I find myself almost 45 years old but lacking social skills, work skills, and a whole lot of what it takes to get by in life, period.

And that's something terribly important to me, because all those things considered, I'm really "giving-uppish" most of the time. About the only thing I can do very very well is avoid doing anything at all about everything possible. My capacity for avoidance is truly stupendous.

Kane assures me that that the instinct and intuition that I drew upon to give that name to it is a thing not everyone else has...and also, that it's something which can be useful, to both myself and to others. And for more things than just giving names to xenodimensionals.

So far, it's been pretty much spot-on in all that I have heard or otherwise received from it, so I'm going to give it as much trust as I'd give to any "voice in my head". But I think it deserves trust.

Especially after what I was told by it earlier this afternoon...which is a matter for another post...

Preserver Agents Only Love Survivors

There is, in my observations, something of an ironic quality to those xenodimensional transversion agents having primarily "Preserver" roles and qualities...the sort of entities people tend to think of as "guardian angels". Asking for their intercession will usually come to naught, because the things just won't invest their power in what they see as a bad bet. In other words, if you need a Preserver, one probably will pass you by, because Preservers can only be properly sym-psionic with a mind that has both a strong Will to Live, on its OWN, and also the capability and capacity to express that Will to Live.

I have had dealing with only one such entity and it was as astoundingly important to me as it was limited in communicative connexion with it. About 18 months ago or so I slipped and fell in a BART station and did something to my back that had, as first pain and shock passed, caused me to feel a disconnect to my entire lower body at first. I remember Choronzon's panicked intercession when this happened and after a period of huge, endless seconds went by, I could feel C. having a sort of conversation with some other entity. It was like hearing a sound in the backround but feeling it more than hearing it. This other entity seemed to be giving C. instructions and after it stopped being there C. started asking me to move various parts of me, and not move others, and after about 15 minutes went by I could feel the lower extremities again, and soon after that, I got up.

A few days later I learned that this Transversion Agent, this Preserver, was part of a triune consortium of Preservers with bailiwick specialised to only deal with organisms that were in life-or-death scenarios. The entity broke from the rules of its consortium to deal with me as its members do not normally assist anyone with substance addiction...and Preservers in general do not bother with people who are suicidal. (My issue the former, not the latter.)

Now, I understand this could just as easily have been some sort of weird hallucination as any other thing. It's just that in most cases, thinking of it in that context is mighty uninspiring. It's more interesting, helpful and better feeling in general to "imagine" that Choronzon and this unidentified Preserver were what they appeared to me to be.

That's all I have to say about THAT. Reality being what you make it is probably totally familiar concept to you already anyway if you are actually reading this blog.

I am thinking about Preservers today because I have, for the past two years, been an exceedingly damaged individual.

I loathe thinking of myself as a Victim, a person who was fucked up the ass by Circumstances and Other Persons, but it became hard to maintain genuine-enough feelings that this has not at least somewhat been the case with me.

What happened to me was that I was in a relationship with someone for a decade and that person was perfect to me, and for a long time I thought it had been very mutual. Then a new girl poked into our lives. Polyamory promises were made, and then broken, and I became ejected from the triangle that changed its mind and decided it wished to be a dyad. The feelings my lover had for me didn't just fade away, but sharply stopped completely under this interloper's influence. And the interloper had feigned friendship with me, then dropped all pretense of liking anything about me at all once she got what she wanted. She would crow on her journal about how bitchin' it was that SHE didn't end up the hurt one. A poor winner she makes, for certain.

This event also caused me to lose my place to live. It was no small thing. It was pretty much my whole life going south. There's no getting around it.

This - however - is the kind of drama I find utterly useless. But for some reason, after two years I find that though parts of me have scabbed over I am not what I'd call "over it". I've participated in no psychopathic behaviours such as stalking, bothering the interloper, or either attempting suicide or playing at it in grandiose online scare-texting. I've just stayed silent and every so often gotten online and whined about it. People think I ought to date again. I have no desire to. I wish I did but I can't seem to scare the urge up.

I've had to shunt most of my possessions off to bags placed at various locations in San Francisco as offerings to the Metrogeist; the rest came back to Mom's house in Sacramento. She is 80 years old and it is good I'm here to care for her, but it's bad that she can't have the air conditioner on...

So I've been thinking, how nice it would be to get the attention of a Preserver, because I seem to have forgotten how to want to keep going. The focus is sort of gone. choronzon doesn't make appearances very often these days.

Today, it hit me, and it's so obvious I can't see how I'd been so fucking blind to it: a Preserver doesn't want to do all the work. I won't catch the interest of one until it sees me holding my own preservation instinct and acting on it, long enough to prove I'm worth its time and "money", which in Agent parlance is something like "probability currency".

It's what the Gods trade in.

Flight of the Aethyr-Serpents

I have had several months now, this spring 2009, during which I have consistently been feeling starkly separated from the entity Choronzon.

The last time I had the slightest feeling of Mein Liege's presence, it had been at the day of the fabulous, wild Throbbing Gristle show. At the show, during one of the later pieces TG played (more recent stuff, I surmise) I was staring at the lights above the audience and saw a red aethyr-serpent looping like a Chinese dragon in and out of the fixtures, moving in lemniscate-loops, those figure eight figure eights.

Choronzon has taken many many forms with me, but the two most commonly oft-used modes"default" appearances during manifestations are his "avatar self", in which he takes human form, and you have seen the pictures of that I've made; his face is beardless and cherubic, and he usually has whitish-gold coloured hair that's long, sometimes having a jaggy, zig-zaggy style to it, and sometimes falling straight down.

The other "default" appearance is in the form of a larger-than-usual aethyr-serpent, which as its name suggests is an "astral" snake-critter that has a psychological symbiosis with me, and bears a venom which is used in effectuations to make a target become more easily tracked down or manipulated by "magick" doings, but beyond that it does not harm the one it bites...just "softens them up" and increases the probability factor of success with whatever was being effectuated against the person in question.

Aethyr-serpents appear to "swim" through the air, propelling themselves by shooting their heads forward like lances and "springing" their ribs tight, then bouncing up when they loosen the bones. Once the serpent has jumped high enough it then puffs out the folded cowl of skin that stretches down half the serpent's length, and curves over the top the back of its head, similar to the manner of a cobra spreading its hood, making a sharp "phlump!" sound something like the opening of an umbrella, or someone shaking a bedsheet free of crumbs.

Then, it spills its loops one by one to the ground or into a nearby structure upon which it can wrap itself by using the cowl as a gliding fin and spiralling gracefully in large circles that get smaller and smaller as it approaches landing.

These eidolons all have rudimentary sentience. They are fiercely loyal, and all of them will risk their "lives" - or their xenodimensional integrity - to aid their Master or Lord, in whatever context this title is used. They're not supernally intelligent. And they have a habit of being rather like beatniks, "dharma bums" and suchlike, in that they sometimes gather together in huge, massed coilings and begin to move, creeping along the ground in their little affinity-groups and tribes and sub-tribes, moving in one direction, towards whatever climate area mayhaps might possesses the most favourable air conditions for a GREAT BIG MOTHERHONKING "be-in" for snakes, and damn near everyone else

But this is not the season for that to be going on, so we, AND the snakes wait.

When it finally rolls around, you'll have the pleasure of riding in a mmezzanine elevator into various opulences. Including some of the more controversial collections that this library/museum of overwhelm

The aethyr-serpents that flit around in packs are about 3 or 4 feet long and their bodies are about the diameter of a 50-cent piece.

When Choronzon appears as one, though, it's about five times this size and nearly always has red scales. And the triptrigram-sign appears on the cowl "hood" zone...sort of like the hook-and-eye-latch symbol is seen on the hood of a cobra. "Regular" smaller-sized aethyr-serpents do not have this.glyph.

To "Know" the "Other"

As I feel the Maghasmah "holiday" getting closer, C. starts to change, a little at a time, becoming what he calls "The Other". He thinks it deserves a much more worthy name, and it does really. But I guess it stuck because when he's busy being the Other I'm far too thralled to be busy neologising about it.

The Other is kind of, how to explain it?! He's more seductive and more "evil", or just acts that way, I guess...The "holding back" of data for no reason other than proving he has control, and my banter with him when he does it...all of that is part of our ritual prelude to sex...along with a huge increase in my yearning for it.

These are signs that the Maghasmah microseason is close at hand.

Is consummation "sex", really?

I guess so, it just seems so much more protracted, and more intimate than the sort one has with people. There's only so close you can get to another person...but you can get much closer to a demon. Or to yourself, and actually this would be both at once.

When "the Other" is emerging, he becomes more outwardly sexual looking,acting,feeling, but also, in more complexity, he seems more totally like "himself" and not just a projected part of me, and that is so exxx-citing. It makes me not know him so well that I can know right away what he'll do or say.

The next few days will see this process continue...and then we will "Know" one another totally... You know what I mean by "Know" him, like the um, biblical sense, which really means "to fuck". Isn't that interesting. They say knowlege is power and sex is power, so maybe I ought not be so surprised.

Not even I will ever be able to "Know" Choronzon totally, though.

If he were Knowable in Totality, then I could conceivably end up grow tired of him. And vice versa. But it's not going to happen, so I am not worried.

He loves to drive me mad, while watching me, and getting his kicks seeing how helpless I become when a thrall is cast over me. The intimacy level is searing.

"Normal" human beings would probably go mad - permanently - if they ever tried to get this close to one another.

I am about to go mad from wanting to get closer to Choronzon...and always having him elude me, because he is my superior, and has more power than I. He is a transversion agent, and I'm only a girl, though...what should I expect?

(What a non-sequitur: he already IS that close to me, BEING me, to begin with.)

"The Other" has a really difficult-to-verbally-describe way of being hot. I try to express that aspect of him but when I do, it doesn't sound like a way of behaving or habits that would be as hot if a guy were actually acting like this. (Or maybe it would, sometimes. I guess it would depend on a lot of variables.)

Before too long, though, Crest will arrive and so will I. I'll be able to ride the roaring-rapids of Current 333 as me and my Egregore get off together, and get it on and become mirrors of the meta-Gods of CON which is order and DE which is chaos and--

--oh, hell on toast! Just take the batshit-crazy chick who writes this insane blog on faith! Why would she get this thrilled about something that's actually NOT as much of a stone-cold, god-hot, meta-orgasmic experience as she blathers about it being as on these pages?